classical gazpacho

classical gazpacho

Listen to

Its not the first time its happened. They’ve been here before. I just didn’t expect them to arrive with such a raging hunger this time. Good job we made some earlier.

I forgot to bring my magic carpet. Every drummer has one. Set-up your drums on it so they don’t slide across the floor. My bass drum is skidding about on the tile floor of this garage. Every time I hit the pedal it slides further away from me until my stretched out leg is playing it on tip toes. Time for the duct tape and some string.

My thundertone-earthquake bass playing brother Al#B is tuning up causing dogs to howl and birds to fall out of trees a half mile away. No car in the garage and it sounds really boomy in here. We’re just warming up and I already feel sorry the neighbours. The tin roof flexes from the sub-bass pressure from his amp. The doors rattle and buzz threatening to pop the hinges and fly into the street. We like it loud.

Just bass and drums today kicking around some grooves, making a load of hideous shrieking, crashing-row that sounds like the demolition of a multi-story car park, all falling rubble and twisted re-bar. Turn it up some more and start beating on those tubs. 20 minutes of non-stop frenzy and my eyeballs are trying to escape my skull and Al’s sub-bass is making it hard to see or breath.

Then the ground starts to shake. Wait a minute. CrashHHhAzzzxxK!

The garage door rips open with one giant claw and a monster rush of burning sulphur-breath fills the room with a deafening shrieking. Oh No! Not you lot again. Another alien attack half way through a jam session. There’re here for the best gazpacho in the known sky. Its what they love best and they know they can pick up Al#B’s sub-bass frequency from outer space. They home right in on it. They also know wherever Al is at, the gazpacho is going to be close by. Damn, they look savage hungry and they’ve left their HyperchargedWormholeStarBlazer blocking the neighbours driveway.

These intergalactic punk-rock tourists might go about shredding the local orbital speed limits without a care in this world, or any other, but all they really want is that super smooth, bright orangey-red liquid velvet with the little chopped up bits of stuff on top.

Al#B whipped up a big batch earlier and its cooling in the fridge right now. “OK amigos from another planet, time for lunch!” “Got yer hungry bellies ready? Got yer mouth type thingys ready?” Put down those blasters and huddle up – there’s enough for everyone.

This is how he did it.


  • A kilo of the best, freshest tomatoes
  • Two green peppers
  • One white onion
  • Two cucumbers
  • One little garlic
  • A hefty glug of olive oil
  • A good splash of sherry vinegar
  • A pinch of salt

classical gazpacho

No cooking at all.

classical gazpacho

Just find the best, freshest tomatoes, two green peppers, a white onion, a couple of cool cucumbers, one little garlic, a pinch of salt and a hefty glug of this world’s finest delicious olive oil and a good splash of sherry vinegar.

classical gazpacho

Chop and chuck everything into one standard blender from planet Earth…

classical gazpacho

and set on max-scream for at least 5 minutes.

classical gazpacho


classical gazpacho

Rockin aliens just can’t get enough. None of this stuff is easily available outside the galaxy. This lot say that just one spoonful has enough super concentrated nutrients in it to keep them alive for a whole Earth year…and makes them go WHhhooragggghhhhhhhh! BBBnBBB ZZZZZgggGrackkkkKK!!

Which is their version of dubstep.

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